Our Presidential Candidates

The best part about being an independent is that I won't have to roll up my sleeves, hold my nose and vote for one of these tossers until next November. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you our presidential candidates:

• An actor auditioning for his greatest role: a man who wants to win his party's presidential nomination
• A shrill, unlikeable harpy
• A likable though inexperienced, political boy-genius who's greatest accomplishment--and audacious hope!--is...running for his party's presidential nomination
• A paternalistic, blow-dried, New England liberal
• A protectionist, blow-dried creep
• A geriatric assault on the First Amedment
• A creepy xenophbe hiding beneath a warm, cuddly grampa-like exterior
• A candidate whose campaign should be known as Arkansas Strikes Back
  
• A defeatist
  
• A lunatic
  
• A space alien
• A nobody
• A has-been
• ...Who?!?

For those of you keeping score at home, this leaves the guy Pat Robertson endorsed and the guy who nobody will endorse. In other words, it's looking like next November is gonna be pretty slim pickings from a well-picked over bag, that didn't have very good selection to begin with.